


Poor, Innocent Pony

by stubliminalmessaging



Series: Kink Meme Fills [2]
Category: The Hobbit (2012)
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-26
Updated: 2013-02-26
Packaged: 2017-12-03 16:30:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/700332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stubliminalmessaging/pseuds/stubliminalmessaging
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for this prompt on the Hobbit Kink Meme: "Bilbo has to share a pony with one of the Dwarfs. Maybe the ride gets a little bumpy? Bit too much bumping and grinding and whoops I have a boner aha.</p><p>Pairing can be Anyone/Bilbo. Though I wouldn’t mind it being either Fili or Bofur."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Poor, Innocent Pony

“I don’t see why I can’t share with Thorin,” Bilbo grumbled, shifting a little as Bofur’s elbow jabbed at his ribs. “Would you please mind where your limbs go, Bofur?”

“Oh! I’m mighty sorry, Mister Baggins, it’s hard to navigate who and what I’m poking and elbowing when there’s so much of it to poke,” Bofur said, looking over his shoulder with a smile, and when Bilbo looked disgruntled he cast a confused look at Fili, who told him he’d just said Bilbo was a lot to poke at and therefore implied that he was fat, Bofur stammered and tripped over himself to apologize. “I didn’t mean it like _that_ , Bilbo! I meant with three of us on this pony…”

“Right, yes,” Bilbo said and Fili’s hand slid down to rub soothingly at his hip, to which he stiffened, then relaxed again when he felt that stiffening up pressed him awkwardly against Bofur. He was surrounded by dwarf and it was hot and itchy and hairy and unpleasant. “Do we rotate at all today? I think I’d like being in the front better.”

Fili looked up at Bofur who looked at him over his shoulder. They nodded and Bofur said; “We could do that.”

Once Bofur had stilled the pony and the trio had dismounted then he climbed back on. He waited for Fili to get on in front of him, settling between his thighs, and then Bilbo climbed on in the front. Fili wrapped his arms around Bilbo’s torso and took the reins, directing the pony forward with a click of his tongue.

As they settled back into line with the rest of the dwarves on their ponies, Bilbo found that he thoroughly enjoyed this new arrangement. Fili was warm and sturdy against his back and the strong arms that caged him at the sides made him feel safe. He heard Bofur’s deep laugh from over his shoulder and it made him feel fluttery inside, as well as Fili’s soft comments on Bofur’s many stories, which made him feel something else entirely.

On a particularly rocky stretch of path Bilbo found himself bouncing just a little too much on his steed and a very large bump resulted in him essentially in Fili’s lap. As much as he could be with the blond’s thighs straddling the pony, at the very least. Fili’s strong forearm across his belly held him there until they got back on flat ground. Then he was released, allowed to settle back into his seat on the pony. Fili just chuckled and gave his shoulder a squeeze. “Alright there, Bilbo?”

“Yes, thank you,” Bilbo said, surprised to find his voice very uneven and croaky. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Are you two alright?”

“Of course,” Fili said, and Bofur echoed it with a laugh.

They continued riding and Bilbo missed the heat and comfort of being in Fili’s lap, brief as it had been. He subtly scooted back as far as he could so he was pressed right against Fili’s chest, using a bump to cover his movement. He internally cursed because it wasn’t the same, and to have that arm holding him close again? Surely he would die of happiness right then and there if Fili were holding him close under different circumstances…

He shifted, feeling an unwelcome stir in his groin at the thought. He tried to distract himself and thought of the last story Bofur had told, what had to have been no more than half an hour ago. He thought of the tale the dwarf had spun, of drunken shenanigans that resulted in him being thisclose to going to jail for the night. The memory of the warm lilt of Bofur’s accent set fire to his veins though, and his thoughts ceased almost sooner than they had started. He was old and mature enough to be able to will down an erection, especially one brought on by two entirely male _dwarves_.

He heaved a sigh and closed his eyes, thinking of anything but the two dwarves riding behind him. He thought resolutely of home, of his usually-plentiful pantry and his warm den and his books, oh, his _books_! They had described dwarves as grumpy little mountain folk, very uninteresting. He was always much more interested in elves, such graceful magical creatures that his books painted for him. 

He could never tell any of the company that, though. And anyways, his ideas on dwarves as a race were a lot different after travelling so far with them and learning bits and pieces of their culture. As secretive and suspicious a people as they were, once one gained acceptance into their ranks they respected you and fought for you like a brother. They taught Bilbo dwarven songs and stories, instructed him on how to fight with their various swords, hammers, and bows, and Kili even braided Bilbo’s hair in secret, while Fili told him that Thorin and all the older members of the Company would be upset if they saw it. Something about traditional courtship rituals, but it was the only interesting pattern Kili knew and Bilbo had wanted to learn so so badly.

When he thought back to that night, the whole courtship thing made more sense. Fili had looked upon him and his braids with such a hunger that the mere memory made Bilbo heat with arousal. Kili had cracked a joke about Fili looking like he wanted to throw their dear hobbit down onto a bed and defile him and Bilbo had steadfastly looked away, stammering out laughter. Things had gone on fairly normally after they had taken the braids out, but Bilbo could not for the life of him shake the look that Fili had given him that night.

That look flooded his every thought now, as another bump sent him rolling back against Fili’s groin. It was Bofur who reached past Fili and placed a steady hand on Bilbo’s hip and asked him if he was alright. He said he was and Bilbo was sure he didn’t mean it, but he could have sworn Bofur’s hand slid back to give him a reassuring pat on the bum before it returned to wherever it had been before. He cast a glance over his shoulder and knew that the wily smirk Bofur had meant he did not do it by accident.

Bofur caught him looking and Bilbo averted his eyes in a panic, accidentally stumbling upon where that hand returned to. He wondered just how long Bofur’s hands had been feeling up Fili’s chest, his belt undone and jacket pushed open. One of Bofur’s hands traced Fili’s lean thigh and sometimes slipped up over his groin, while the other hand slid under his layers of shirts, raking through the blond hair on his chest. He looked up to Fili’s face and found him biting his lip and pleasantly flushed. When Fili opened his eyes and saw him looking, he hurried to look away, turning to face frontwards again.

He wouldn’t be left alone so easily though, as Fili’s soft voice sounded close to his ear. Fili asked if he liked what he saw and Bilbo stammered out a quick; “What did I see? I don’t recall seeing anything.”

He heard Bofur laugh at that and he had to hold back a moan as Fili’s teeth closed around his ear. He nibbled gently and swiped his tongue over the pointed tip, before he nuzzled at it with his nose. “It’s alright for you to want it, you know. We both want it too.” His lips brushed Bilbo’s ear and he shuddered. “We both want _you_.”

Fili’s hips pushed against Bilbo’s rear and the halfling felt just how much the blond wanted him. Bilbo cast desperate eyes at the dwarves on ponies next to him, hoping frantically that none of them would notice. They trotted along beside him and there was no way they could not see what was happening, especially how Bofur was touching Fili, but for whatever reason none of them so much as cast them a confused look. Perhaps this was a dwarf thing?

When Bilbo did not respond to Fili’s last comment, the blond dwarf continued his exploration of the hobbit’s soft little body. He gripped Bilbo by the thighs and rutted against his rump and Bilbo felt a second roll of movement even after Fili had stopped. Low groans came from behind the prince and Bilbo knew that Bofur was grinding against Fili as well, and probably more.

“Fili, is he…?”

“Making my every dream reality? Yes.” Fili said and Bilbo noted with the darker tone to his voice. When he spoke again it was softer, meant for only his and Bofur’s ears. “To be honest with you, I want nothing more than to have him inside me now, taking me until I am a whimpering moaning mess on top of this pony, but I think that would be cruel and very ungentlemanly to you.”

“T-to me?” Bilbo squeaked and Fili just groaned. “You can’t mean to include me in this.”

“Oh, but I do,” Fili said, leaning down to mouth at his halfling’s neck. “And frankly, I am absolutely _thrilled_ that Bofur is letting me have you this time.”

“Letting you ha-“ Bilbo stopped, going stiff as Fili’s clever fingers unclipped the fastenings on his suspenders. “You mean to say you _planned this out_?!”

“Not quite,” Fili said.

“It’s more that we had the idea and put it into action as soon as we found out we’d be sharing ponies.” Bofur said. “Thorin would’ve had you ride with him, but we talked him out of it.”

“Thorin knows about this? _All of it_?!” Bilbo hissed.

“Well, yes. Uncle was only disappointed that I chose to seduce you before he did. He’s respecting my choices though, funny little creature or otherwise. He’s not choosy where royal seed ends up, so long as Kili or I produce an heir upon our return to Erebor.”

Bilbo tried very hard to ignore that Thorin knew about his nephew attempted to seduce him and being alright with it (and that he was _disappointed that he didn’t do it first_ which Bilbo tried very very hard not to think about), and another thought occurred to him. “Are you and Bofur…?”

“Betrothed,” Fili said, smiling and leaning back against the toymaker’s chest. Bofur pressed a whiskery kiss to Fili’s cheek and if Bilbo thought it was possible for a majestic dwarven prince to _giggle_ , he would believe that that was what he had just witnessed. “Thorin has his doubts about our union but he cannot argue because Bofur is my One-and-Only. As long as I take on a maiden on the side to birth many fine heirs, he cannot stop us from being together.”

“Y-you’re… you’re going to get married,” Bilbo said, expression vague as he digested this information. “You’re going to get married but you want to have sex with me on a pony?”

“Yes,” Both of the dwarves replied, and Bofur continued with; “And I am going to take Fili while he takes you.”

“On a pony.”

“Aye.”

“…you’re _sure_ about this?”

“Of course,” Fili said. “We’ve talked about this many times. So let’s do it.”

“Do I have the option to say no up here?” Bilbo stammered, silencing the pair as they chattered away between themselves from behind him. “You two seem to be very convinced that I’m going to consent to this!”

“Well, if you don’t want to, we’ll just make love here behind you,” Bofur said. When Bilbo whipped his head around to stare at Bofur as if he had suddenly changed into an orc. “You won’t notice us. It’ll be like we’re not even here.”

“Like you’re not even-?” Bilbo heaved a dramatic sigh. “There is no way I can be here on this pony with you and _not_ be involved in your deviance-“

“Then, Mister Baggins,” Bofur began, and Bilbo felt his hands moving against the small of his back, doing what he assumed (but was too embarrassed to turn around and find out) was unlacing Fili’s breeches. “I’d like to politely ask that you kindly stop your _whingin’_ and enjoy the very spoiled position you are in. It’ll blow your mind, lad.”

While Bilbo puzzled over just what Bofur meant by that, Fili’s teeth were at his sensitive neck again, and one of his hands palmed at Bilbo’s crotch. Bilbo’s resistance faded quickly – after all, he couldn’t deny that he wanted Fili (and he honestly did not object to Bofur taking part, he was sweet enough), though he would not have figured that they would shag on a pony of all places. Perhaps they could do it again, someplace where Bilbo could be a little bit more participatory? He hoped so.

“Oh, Bofur,” Fili groaned into the hobbit’s ear and Bilbo shuddered. He could not be sure if Fili was rocking against him or back on Bofur’s hand, which was down the back of Fili’s trousers, probably pumping a finger or two in and out of his ass. It hurt Bilbo’s neck to crane it to watch, so he turned to face front again.

“Tell me what he’s doing to you,” he told Fili, who nodded, puffing out little pants as he kneaded at Bilbo’s erection again.

“He’s fucking me with two of his – _ah_ – t-thick fingers,” Fili said, almost whimpering. “I just want him to fuck me but he won’t give it to me that easily because he is an awful tease.”

“Oh, aye, your life is just miserable,” Bofur quipped. The hand that wasn’t in Fili’s pants was wrapped around the bulk of the prince’s blond hair, brushing it back off his neck and pulling on it cheekily while he nipped and sucked at the skin he had exposed. “Don’t believe a thing he says, Bilbo, he’s got somethin’ of a silver tongue.”

“And he’s a perverted old dwarf who takes advantage of my innocence,” Fili said, tugging on Bilbo’s pants to slide them down. He reached a hand up and held a pair of fingers to Bilbo’s lips. He sucked greedily at them, eager for those wet fingers to get where they were no doubt going.

“Darlin’, you’d given up tryin’ to be innocent long before you met me,” Bofur said and when Fili tried to snark back, his words were lost with a gasp and a blissed out moan. Bilbo was happy enough suckling away at Fili’s fingers, tracing them with his tongue as he would a cock, but he had already expressed a desire to know what was happened between the dwarves behind him. He nudged Fili’s ribs with his elbow.

“H-he’s got three fingers in me and he’s fucking me hard with them, rubbing against all the right places inside me,” Fili panted, and Bilbo enjoyed the desperation in his voice until out of the corner of his eye he saw a pony pass them, carrying Dwalin and Kili. He had nearly forgotten about the others in the sexy little bubble that Fili and Bofur had created around them, but the reminder of the public-ness of his nudity and arousal hit him then like a pouncing warg. He yelped around Fili’s fingers and he pulled them out, slick and wet, looking down at the little creature with concern.

“Dwalin and Kili just passed us,” Bilbo stammered. “T-there’s no way they couldn’t see us.”

“…that’s a problem?” Fili asked, eyebrow cocked. “I kind of wanted them to see us, Dwalin’s been looking at Bofur like he’s a piece of meat ever since we-“

“And you think yer the only one who’s allowed to do that? I’m _your_ piece of meat?” Bofur asked and changed whatever he was doing to make Fili incapable of speech besides strangled sounds of pleasure. Somewhere in there he whimpered for Bofur to stop teasing and fuck him, and the toymaker chuckled, shaking his head. “Not yet, my love. You need to get our hobbit ready before I start that, or else it’ll be over before he gets to enjoy anyovit.”

“No, wait!” Bilbo said, reaching back to grip Fili’s hand by the wrist as it went down the back of his pants. “I’m still worried about getting seen doing this! Doesn’t that bother either of you?”

“The entire Company knows Fili and I are together, and we’re not picky about where we are or who’s around when we shag,” Bofur said. When Bilbo whipped around and stared at him he could not hold down the snorting laugh that he gave in response. “I take it that’s not something you Shire folk do?”

“No, it most definitely is not!” Bilbo yelped. “Physical… intimacy, as it were, is meant to be private and indoors! No spectators, usually between only two people, and definitely not _while riding a pony in the middle of a forest with a herd of dwarves and a wizard around_!”

“Sounds dull,” Fili said, and he and Bofur laughed together, only a little at Bilbo’s expense.

Bofur took care to explain a little more thoroughly so that Bilbo looked less terrified and slightly disgusted at the implications of Fili’s comment. “Dwarves are more… open than hobbits, apparently. We get it on often, in groups, and without a care in the world. As long as someone is willing and they aren’t another dwarf’s intended, then have at them.”

“And how do you know I’m not someone’s intended?” Bilbo asked, only slightly offended.

“You live alone,” Fili said. “And if you had shacked up with one of the Company, we’d know, because dwarves are very public about their relationships.”

“Lad’s right,” Bofur agreed, nodding vigorously and smirking down at Fili. “Knew he loved me when he pushed me down on a tavern table and rode my cock like a pony, right in front of his uncle and mother and brother and about twenty very confused men.”

Fili smiled, all dimples and crinkled eyes, twisting awkwardly to press a kiss to Bofur’s cheek. In that moment the domestic married couple vibe coming off them was strong and Bilbo felt almost like he was intruding on an intimate moment. He sort of was, what with Bofur’s fingers still being inside Fili, but that was besides the point.

“Cleared up?” Fili asked, brushing the back of his two still-wet fingers against the base of Bilbo’s spine, making him shiver. “Ready to move on? My cock _aches_ with how long we’ve been leading up to this.”

Bilbo nodded. He still felt weird doing this with two partners, on a pony, surrounded by other people, but his Took side found it thrilling and he could not wait for what he knew was coming next. Fili’s fingers were thick as the first one pressed into him and it hurt, though very little, since it had been quite some time since the last occasion he had had anything up there. He adjusted to the pain and relaxed as best he could, and he supposed that he must have felt more relaxed because Fili nudged a second finger in with the first.

The stretch and sting of it made him cry out but when Fili tried to pull them out Bilbo told him to keep going. He realized then how badly he really did want to be involved in this very sudden very strange threesome, how much he would love to have these two doing filthy filthy things to him. Fucking on a pony was a start, he supposed, and he would enjoy it while he was at it.

By the time Fili had finished opening him up, he was nearly incoherent with what Bofur was doing to him, and so Bilbo told him he was ready. He did not notice at first, too caught up in the sensations, and he only acknowledged the little creature when Bofur slid his fingers out of him and when he whined and pushed his hips back against him, Bofur said; “Tend to our hobbit, then it’ll be your turn.”

Fili, flushed and breathless, apologized to Bilbo and carefully removed his fingers, leaving the hobbit empty and wanting. He was not left like this for long though, as Fili yanked his already-unlaced trousers down over his thighs and stroked his cock, pressing it against Bilbo’s lower back as he spat in his palm and slicked himself up.

Bilbo could feel from having it pressed against his back that Fili’s cock was bigger than his or any cock he had ever had in him. It excited him and worried him at the same time, but Fili was very gentle as he worked his way inside. He kissed at Bilbo’s nape and held him close, one arm holding him there around his stomach, fingers stroking at his side, while the other hand held him by the hip. Bilbo was surprised by the tenderness he received and appreciated it thoroughly.

Soon Fili was inside him, as deep as he could go, and Bilbo let out a tremulous breath that he did not realize he had been holding. He was so full and stretched but it was so good and hot. His hand slid down to Fili’s where it gripped at his hip and he placed his own smaller palm over Fili’s, squeezing gently. When Fili asked if he was alright, he replied that alright was an understatement, he was bloody amazing, and he felt proud that even though he was suffocated with arousal he still managed to articulate words with wit.

He fell into something of a daze while Fili was inside him, his cock jostled only by the slight shifts of Fili’s hips as he reacted to whatever Bofur was doing to him. Bilbo didn’t need to ask know when Bofur pushed into Fili, since the blond cried out and did a strange stuttering motion with his hips. Bilbo assumed he was torn between pushing forward into Bilbo’s body and rolling his hips back to take more of Bofur in. Fili moaned and rutted back and forth between them, but Bofur held him firmly by the hips so he wouldn’t move so much which made the prince whine.

“Shh,” Bofur cooed, stretching to press a tickly kiss to Fili’s flushed cheek. “Patience, m’love. You start movin’, n’ then I will, so’s we can get somethin’ of a rhythm goin’.” Fili just whined again and tried to push back, disregarding Bofur’s words in favour of the thick cock buried inside him. Bofur put a stop to that quickly though, as his hands on Fili’s hips guided them so that he was sliding in and out of Bilbo at a gentle pace.

Bilbo’s hands shot down between his legs to grip at the pony’s mane, and he felt the change when Fili took over his hips’ motion himself. His thrusts were long and deep and he picked the pace up just slightly. Bilbo would have liked to have his prostate stimulated a little more thoroughly, but Fili’s cock had such girth that each push and pull was an exquisite slide and stretch to his tight clinging body. He imagined the pace would pick up soon and the angle would change when Bofur joined them anyways, so he enjoyed the long leisurely thrusts while he could.

The hobbit felt Fili’s chest press tighter against his back and assumed that Bofur had scooted closer to them on the pony, probably so he was flush against his blond prince. Fili mewled in delight and rode Bofur’s first thrust so that it rammed his cock deeper into Bilbo.

They began rocking together, and as they grew more attuned to each other’s bodies (mostly Bilbo to Fili’s, really) then fell into a rhythm that they found they all thoroughly enjoyed. Bofur fucked away at Fili, who alternated between pushing back against his toymaker’s cock and humping up against Bilbo, who could do very little besides hold on how the (literal) ride.

The general frantic nature of their sex meant that it wasn’t long before one of them was cumming, and it was Fili who broke down first. Being stimulated from both ends in the best way possible had him overwhelmed and babbling filth before long, his hips jerking as he filled the hobbit with his seed. The only words either partner could make out of his delirium were their names and that suited them just fine. Bofur whispered something to Fili that Bilbo heard vaguely but did not comprehend because suddenly Fili’s hand was wrapped around his cock. A few quick tugs and some dirty moans into Bilbo’s ear had the little creature over the edge and his cum spilled down over Fili’s hand.

Bilbo was nearly bent double over the pony then as Bofur pushed Fili against him. The older dwarf gripped the pony’s sides hard with his thighs and started fucking Fili at a punishing pace, shoved up as he was against Bilbo. Every thrust pushed Fili forward on their steed, and the prince eventually gained the presence of mind to fuck himself backwards on Bofur’s cock. The movement caused his softened cock to slip out of Bilbo and that was just fine by the hobbit. He collapsed onto the pony’s neck and buried his face in its mane, struggling to catch his breath.

He blearily heard the sounds of Bofur and Fili’s lovemaking and eventually the toymaker’s completion, and tuned out the loving words they breathed to each other as they basked in their climax. Once again he felt like he was intruding on an incredibly intimate moment not meant for him, and the awkwardness made his face heat. Then Fili’s hands were on him again, wiping him clean with a scrap of fabric that Bilbo recognized as the chunk of Bofur’s coat that he had had since the beginning of their quest. The heir of Durin was apparently something of a pickpocket, he mused.

Once he was cleaned up, Fili fixed his pants and pressed a kiss to his damp curls. “That was nice, wasn’t it?” he asked cheerfully, as if perhaps they had just shared a leisurely stroll through Bilbo’s garden, admiring his vegetables. Bilbo nodded, having not yet caught his breath enough to offer a verbal response so Fili continued. “I would like to do it again someday.”

“Aye, lad, me too,” Bofur agreed and Fili grinned, since, Bilbo reflected, that he had mostly been talking to the other dwarf when he had suggested it, as if requesting permission. “Though, the next time we do it, I’m puttin’ in a request for a bed. I’m not the horny young dwarf I used to be.”

“No, you certainly are not,” Fili said, and Bofur goosed his rear playfully then reached up to grip his prince’s furry chin to turn his head and kiss him sweetly. Bilbo smiled and pivoted his torso back around to face forward. They were about the last pair that Bilbo would have pegged to be engaged, but not that he watched them he had no doubt in the world that they were absolutely smitten with each other.


End file.
